Codependency Therapy: Are You Bringing Codependent Relating Habits into the Workplace?
Codependency is a term often used to describe dynamics in romantic and familial relationships. What is less discussed is how codependent relating patterns can show up in professional relationships. What are signs that you might be bringing codependent relational strategies to work? Here are some of the questions I ask my psychotherapy clients who come to me for codependency therapy.
Are you afraid to set boundaries with colleagues in regards to the amount of work you take on at any given time?
Do you let it slide when colleagues don’t do their fair share of the work on a project, and pick up the slack without expressing the impact this has on your life and schedule?
Do you put the needs of your colleagues ahead of your own time and time again?
Do you fear that if you share frustrations with colleagues that they will not like you and you will lose your connection with them?
Does it feel awkward to be direct with colleagues when something is amiss, and instead you swallow your feelings because the thought of having to navigate a conflict feels too overwhelming?
Do you feel like you are the more responsible one in work situations and always need to deliver perfect work?
If your answer is yes to 4 or more of the above questions you may be bringing codependent relating patterns learned from your childhood into your professional life. Codependency therapy can help shift these patterns.
Often, we project onto our work environment what we lived through with our families in childhood. We can get caught with our colleagues in the same dysfunctional dynamics we used to survive our families.
When we grow up in a family where there is an unspoken agreement not to express feelings, needs, or create emotional conflict, we do the best that we can as a child to uphold these rules. Because of this familial experience we may feel overwhelmed by the thought of expressing our needs at work and fear if we do, we will “get into trouble”. Rather than share our feelings, problems, or the need for support in the workplace, we suffer silently with feelings of shame that we have needs to begin with. We cannot imagine that a colleague would be open to hearing our needs; we assume instead that our needs will overwhelm anyone as they did our caregivers.
Being assertive and direct in communicating with colleagues can also be very challenging if we have codependent tendencies. If we learned as a child that it is better to be indirect with our needs, or to cut ourselves off from them entirely, then in the work environment we may be the one who can never say no to colleagues when they ask us to do more than our fair share of the work. We may feel that we cannot express frustrations when we feel we are being taken advantage of in some way. Instead, we will work hard to perform perfectly so there is no possibility of anyone not liking us. The less needs we have, coupled with an inability to set boundaries at work, leads to exhaustion and resentment. It can drain creative energy and feelings of self-worth.
Codependency therapy can help shift your professional life so that you:
Learn how to communicate your needs and feelings in safe and connective ways
Build helpful emotional boundaries between yourself and others
Learn how to tolerate disappointment and conflict in relationships
Create realistic expectations of yourself and others
Learn what is your responsibility to take care of and what is up to others
Build self-esteem that does not rely on how well you solve problems for others
Stop overextending yourself for the sake of others
Unwinding codependent work strategies can restore your sense of self-worth in your professional life and redirect your energy into becoming confident in your chosen field. If you’d like to learn more about codependency therapy, I can be reached at 415.721.3355 or by email to discuss how we can work together. You can also read about my approach to therapy.